Me: *funny toot*

Me: Lewd toot
Everyone: *awkward silence and crickets*

Goal: Chris Evans.
Reality: Chris Farley.


Hello, my name is Inigo Monday. You killed my father. Prepare to cyber.

another day volunteering at the windows museum. people keep asking me if they ca:(

Your PC ran into a problem and needs to restart. We're just collecting some error info, and then we'll restart for you. (12% complete)

If you'd like to know more, you can search online later for this error: PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA

@lynnesbian another day volunteering at the android museum. people ask me if they can have a working internet connection along with a sturdy phone case. buddy, E⬇️⬆️

I need to find someone who has a really low body heat, like they’re always cold, and just let them spoon me at night.

1:30 am

Anxiety: “WYD? u up? want me to come through???”

Me with other people: WTF are you talking about with your low self esteem??? You are gorgeous!!

Me with myself: Ugh...they actually let you out of the bell tower?

The older I get, the more I realize that the simplest way to keep people from letting me down is to drastically lower my expectations/standards.


One good way - and I’m just blue skying here - that dudes can help detox masculinity is by supporting and complimenting each other for being sincere and kind and giving and sweet.
Because you can be these things, way more often, and when you are you show your quality.
Some extremely decent guys on here, and you can lead the way by example. I know some of you have encouraged this girl to be kinder and more thoughtful.

Thinking back on it, middle School dances are a really fucked up social institution

I wish that someone would look at me the way that I look at my notifications.

I kinda get a little insulted when I respond to someone's toot and the very next thing they type is "Well I guess no one reads this or cares!"
-- Chopped Liver

Sometimes I intentionally misspell homophones in my head while I'm saying them out loud, just to be a rebel.

My Sockopath shipment came in yesterday, so I get to go through the day with a fresh pair of Pugs and Bones socks.

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We're really just here for the pineapples. Dancing Pineapple