Wow, the government is still shut down? Quick, lets make our own support structures and organizational body and when they try to re open we say "Naw, we don't need you, we got this."

24 is the number of carats representing 100% pure gold. 24 is also the number of carrots that Nationals Catchman, Kurt Suzuki, will feed to his pony, named Pure Gold. One carrot per day, between now and the start of Kurt's Sprang Tanning! (Once Sprung Tuning begins, a friend of the family will continue to take carrots to Pure Gold, so don't worry about that Horsey. Also HORSES ARE GOD'S MISTAKES WHY DO THEY DO THAT THING WITH THEIR BIG HORSE MOUTH, KURT, WHY?!?)

#BaseyBall (I did it this time!)

selfies - eye contact Show more

I keep getting closer and closer to actually just making #ThirstFollowTuesday posts where I straight-up @ people

@anthonydavis @healyn I like knowing that not everyone is real. It makes my follower count less significant which is weirdly relieving? Like how when they used to shoot a guy with a firing squad one gun would have a blank but no one knew which gun so the shooters could all tell themselves maybe it was them? That’s my followers. I don’t know who is fake so I can’t blame them for not boosting.

@BigMoodHaver i haven't seen your gorgeous face in forever. Still looking good, king

I made a terrible game where you have to guess which bad domain name is more expensive:

@healyn I too explode if microwaved, I yell back. Makes them think

who else is getting sick and tired of walking to the train every morning and having all the neighborhood kids call you a "baked potato looking ass"?

Billie Jean is my lover and that's my fuckin kid

lmfao the person who wrote that article is the nerd who thought the dude who started gamergate was the victim

the orb giveth, and the orb taketh away, but we’re not really sure how because the orb hath not hands

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We're really just here for the pineapples. Dancing Pineapple